Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
