am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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