i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
