He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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