Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
