I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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