No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
