If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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