oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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