So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize