i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize