I am puke
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
