He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
