I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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