My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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