You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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