apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
