just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
