I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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