Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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