Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
