i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
