Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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