Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
