I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
