Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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