Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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