apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
