I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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