i was born a porn star she said
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
