new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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