i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
