that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
