So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
