its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
