after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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