So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love you. Go after that dick
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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