Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
