Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
