I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
