so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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