just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
