she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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