hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
