My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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