Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
