your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
