Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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