U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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