yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
And then he peed in my hair
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