Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
