you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
