Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
