I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize