All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
