$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
