You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
