its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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