if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
