Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
