I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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