I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
